i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
