so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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