god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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