She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
