Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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