Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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