All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
