He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
