we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize