Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
