im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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