Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
