What a fucking waste of an outfit
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
