If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
