they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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