he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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