Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
zippers are such a cool invention
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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