WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
