your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
