We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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