how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
