if i can run in heels then i can drive
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
