His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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