And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
