I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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