Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
