Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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