I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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