So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
