If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
