I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
