i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
