I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
