it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize