i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
