remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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