If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
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