OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
