I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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