she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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