if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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