I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
