I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
