this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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