So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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