We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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