It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt