She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies