Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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