there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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