My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
should my penis look like a turkey
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
