so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize