Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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