Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She bit a glass in half.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
