oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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