You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
