oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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