Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
