Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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