Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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